So Mormons shy away from things like Tarot Cards, Palm Readers, Fortune Tellers and in general would call all of those things either a scam or some kind of devilish deception. However, a rose by any other name will still be vague and horoscopie. Which is how I felt about the Patriarchal Blessing. So let me break it down for those of you who don't know. This of course was my experience.
I actually can't remember the exact content of mine, as I haven't looked at it in a really long time. But I do remember the day. I showed up at the Patriarch's house kinda early, maybe around 9:00 am -ish, with my parents. The Patriarch (who I used to deliver newspapers to) is a super nice guy, no the less tells me about the last time he gave a blessing to one of my family members. As a little brother I kinda got irritated with the always being compared to my siblings. Regardless, he starts telling me how important and sacred this experience is, blah blah blah. Then he switches on an (even back then) old ass tape-recorder. Walks behind the chair I'm sitting in, places his hands on my head and starts. Like any blessing he states my name and that he is doing it through the Melchizedek Priesthood, then he just starts describing the day, and the valley in Utah where I grew up. As a (I can't remember exactly but) 15 year old I wanted to start hearing shit about my future, I didn't want to start hearing about the the weather forecast. So I started to get a little irritated. Then when he finally gets to the dirt, it's just basically what I have been told growing up. What I already knew I should work towards, and what he knew I was working towards. Other things were just a little vague and might apply to a lot of people.
So we finish and the only question on my mind is when do I get to see the blessing? He says he has to send it to the church office buildings and I can expect to have it in something like 8 weeks.
So I'm feeling kinda weird and irritated about the whole experience and he, being a wood working enthusiast, gave me a pen he made and told me to keep a journal. I got in the car and went home with my parents feeling a little disappointed about the whole thing.