Thursday, April 5, 2012

Are You a Good Spirit or a Bad Spirit

Most kids are taught what to do in case of a fire, earth quake, terrorist attack, or if propositioned by a strangers. Play dead if you're attacked by a bear. Make yourself as big as possible and back away slowly if you encounter a cougar (the mountain lion... not the sexually persistent older woman). Hug a tree. Stop drop and roll. Just say no.
The one I was taught that most American children aren't is the Good Spirit/Bad Spirit test.
There may be times in your life when a spirit might try to talk with you, or give you direction. If you see a spirit and it tries to talk to you or tell you to do something, it is important to know whether it is from the Devil, or from God. Luckily there is a simple test to find out what you're dealing with.
Ask to shake the spirit's hand.
Here's what will happen. If it is a good spirit, it will either shake your hand (only if it is a resurrected being) or will decline, as it cannot since it hasn't yet received a body.
However, if it is an evil spirit he will not be able to resist the temptation to shake your hand. It wants nothing more than to possess a body that it will try to shake your hand, but will be unable to do so, since it will never receive a body of it's own.

(I won't even tell you how much this freaked out as a kid. I just thought,"Great, now I have tricked an evil spirit who, up until this point, was trying to remain civil. Now he's pissed off and wants a body." I imagined the girl from the exorcist moments before the spider crawling and the puking, asking the demon if she could shake it's hand. I knew people could get possessed by evil spirits, because my dad says he cast one out once.)

I worked in a temple for 4 years as a cook in the cafeteria. Now usually the only people that work in temples are old retired folks, because they've got the time. Also Mormons love to think that the veil between this world and the spirit world is some how thinner in the temples. Plus there's no way in shit an evil spirit can get into the temple, so you know if you see something that it is one of the good guys. I tell you what the people I talked to in the temple had some pretty goddamn entertaining stories about the shit they'd seen roaming around the halls. Old people + religion = great stories!
Anyway, if anyone has any paranormal stories, please share. I won't believe you, but I'm sure it's still a good story!


  1. Some of the newer generation of Mormons might try to deny that this (asking a spirit to shake your hand) is not a church doctrine, but it is. I was taught that very same thing too. I wondered, even as a kid, why would the evil spirit try to shake my hand, when he knows it will give him away.

    I never did have any paranormal experiences. I did once, however, hear music in my bed. It was the middle of the night and I was awake. It might have been music from a neighbor, not sure. But it was beautiful and was something I had never heard before. I can't explain what it was but I know I heard it. When I told my parents, they said they hadn't heard anything.

  2. Ha! I heard this too!! I remembere waking up in the middle of the night terrified that a bad spirit was in my room. Only I didn't extend my hand out for the 'spirit' to shake... I lifted my right arm to a square and said "In the name of Jesus Christ please go away." ... haha.

    Great post!

  3. OMG! That just brought a memory from my mission flooding back into my brain! I actually had a missionary companion do that to me! He was one of those anal follow-every-rule-to-the-tee kind of guys and when I didn't go along with him, he actually commanded me, in the name of cheese and rice, to depart. I was so disgusted that I got up and walked out. He, of course, thought it was the evil in me that couldn't refuse to obey the holy penishood.

  4. Hahah Mormon 411 - people are batshit!!

  5. well diary, at least you were polite and said please!
    411 i have heard some crazy mission stories. and just like yours it usually involves a missionary doing something they don't know enough about. like the dusting of the feet curse. that always cracked me up.
    diary, i think you just explained why religion exists in the first place! crazy people!

  6. Did you know you can shorten your urls with AdFly and get money from every visit to your short urls.